I have resumed my practice and study of Kendo! I am so incredibly thankful that I have been able to reach this point in my life. Kendo is the Way of the Sword as practiced in a non lethal environment.
Japanese Fencing more or less.
I first started practicing about 20 yrs ago now. I haven't been able to stay dedicated and practice hard. Yet it has been something that I have returned to over and over again when I have found myself in a place of stress or of really wanting to better my SELF. my true self.
You see....I am a survivor of every kind of abuse that you can think of really. Mental, Physical, Sexual abuses have been dealt to me by random people as well as some people that were in a position to be my protector. My biggest abuser was my self in several phases of my life.
Yesterday morning I was hit with a flash of memories that left me trembling. The first was of the Halloween grab bag incident from the 70s. After a wonderful night of trick or treating, I was headed home with a pillow case full of candy...a group of older kids were riding around on bikes, with KISS make up on...and I didn't realize it was a threat until my nose was a bloody mess....a drive by punch wrecked my face.
Then came the time that I snuck out with my brother and we got attacked by some high school kids....again...my nose was destroyed...then the skin head boot party in my late teens....then the cops in my thirties....then came the flashes of other crazy things that happened....I was a wreck! I was sick to my stomach and feeling dizzy.
A few years ago that would have left me headed to the liquor store in order to drown them out and further punish my SELF..
Fortunately I have started Kendo again tho.....and I had the opportunity to go to the Dojo instead.
Iwakabe Sensei was in a very good mood and quite cheerful. His energy is strong and when he is happy it fills the place with happiness. His kindness and true caring about his students is massive. The amount of things that I learn from him are incalculable.
Next I went and did some stretching and Umemoto Sensei smiled down on me from his picture on the wall....an even more powerful flash of memories hit my inner "media player".
Mainly of Umemoto Sensei helping me....guiding me...gently....softly...Loudly, Harshly...
" U MUST RERRAX YOUR SELF! YOUR WHOLE SELF NOT JUST YOUR BODY"
"yaaaa toooooo... like a little baby...oh how cute... YAHHHHHHHHHHHHH TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! LIke a Lion!"
I think only my mother will have any clue of those two phrases...which just might show you just how HUGE they are to me.
that second one...he said it all the time...to the whole Dojo...lulling us to laughter by mimicking our weak shouts, and then, even tho we all new it was coming, he would make us all flinch with his own powerful Kiai...filling more than the room with his energy.
Then several flashes of energy transference from his Soul to mine via the Bamboo Shinai. There were many times that he would hit me on the head and I would feel like a nail being driven into the ground...a flash of light filled my vision and when it cleared he would be there smiling at me...laughing both with and at me....and I would feel as tho he imparted something deep into me on an energetic level that was meant to grow at a later time.... I think that it is.
With one sharp Kiai (roar like a lion) I was healed...I just let it out from my belly the way that would have made him proud....it didn't come till almost the end of class really...but with that one release of energy I was free!
If you are reading this it's a good chance that you are a student of mine...Starting next year I am going to stop offering classes on Tuesday nights so that I can get in a Kendo practice ever week...I feel the urgency of this endeavor for me right now and hope you will understand.
I also invite any and all of you to come and visit the Dojo (
Rocky Mountain Budokan ) on a Sat morning from 9 to 10....Maybe hit me up the night before to be sure the class is happening....you could thank Iwakabe Sensei for training me to train you....and for helping me in such deep ways...It's just a few doors down from Acoustic Music Revival...we could go look at guitars after class!
There is an old saying in Japan... Cross Swords and Know Love.... it's very true for me here and now.
Comment by Molly Livaudais on October 12, 2010 at 10:01am Comment by Kathleen Hickey on October 11, 2010 at 10:56pm
Comment by Chris "Citrus" Sauthoff on October 11, 2010 at 10:32am 
You need to be a member of Citrus to add comments!
Join Citrus